Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
