Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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