period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
