break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
