Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
