I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
