i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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