What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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