Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
