Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
