I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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