apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
