Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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