no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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