I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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