I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
