i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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