she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
