We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
