U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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