you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize