Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
