so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize