The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
