Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
