Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
