I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm getting married
To pizza
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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