Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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