Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
