: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
