OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
