Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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