i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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