i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize