Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Randomize
