Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Shame - the story of my life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
