So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
