I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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