Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
