don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
