it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
