Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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