My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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