Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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