Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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