Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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