She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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