i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA