I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it