I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?