im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"