Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I party with great urgency now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
