Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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