I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize