I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
