I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
