I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
