By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
