You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
