Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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