dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
