matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
