How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
