im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
