Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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