If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
