I'm gonna have a badass scar
so that wasnt chicken after all
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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