hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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